Thursday, April 4, 2013

Mark Sanford redux

My very first blog, June 29, 2009 was a satire on Governor Mark Sanford's visit to his Argentinian mistress, disguised as a trip along the "Appalachian Trial". I was my only intentional attempt at humor, and depended to some extent on his gauzy descriptions of his affair and some e-mails of his that were somehow released. Today, Gail Collins revisits some of that Affair to Remember in her Times column -- in honor of Sanford's redemption as the Republican candidate for his former congressional seat. Collins, as a humorist, is the real thing.

Anyway, just for old times sake, and because it is short and I'm lazy, here's my first blog:

Latest on Sanford e-mails from Pontifax news

New details have come out about "l'Affaire Sanford": the relationship between Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina and his Argentinian paramour, now identified as Maria Belen Chapur. Recently pirated e-mails from both parties seem to tie Sanford's indiscretions with those of another Governor, Eliot Spitzer of New York.

It seems that both men were seeking forbidden positions during sex-play. Spitzer's predilections have already been the source of explicit speculation, but up to now Gov. Sanford's have been a total mystery. However, fairly clear descriptions are contained in the following excerpts.

(FROM SANFORD) Dearest Maria, you know by now what I like and what my good wife can't or won't give me: certain, shall we say "positions", that I dare not mention but dare to hope for.

(FROM BELEN CHAPUR) Oh Mark my dear, how could I withhold from you what you secretly wanted all these years. The sanctity of love makes all holy, even those positions which you dared not name. At our last tryst I completely opened myself to you and poured what you so wanted over your trembling body: "Single payer healthcare", "Higher income-tax brackets", "World government" and, and ... oh so much more. You needed it; I needed it.

(FROM SANFORD): Oh, the erotic beauty of you holding, yourself, those magnificent positions that have been held, also, by others - but hey, that would be going across the aisle. 

[Of course, "Pontifax News" does not exist: it is an inside joke.]

No comments:

Post a Comment