Two old jokes redux

#1

Sarah Palin dies and goes up to heaven where she encounters St. Peter at the pearly gate.

"I am Sarah Palin -- let me in to paradise."

"Wait," says St. Peter, "First you have to prove you are who you claim to be."

"What? Why?"

"Well, it's standard procedure. When Alexander Hamilton came up here he had to prove who he was. Same for Charles Darwin and Dwight Eisenhower."

"Huh? Hamilton? Darwin? Eisenhower? Who were they?"

"Ah, but of course, come in Governor Palin!"


(NOTE: I first heard this -- of course when I was very young -- about General Eisenhower, who had just gone from POTUS to president of Columbia University. It seemed cute to make him one of the famous people to be ID'd. It also is much fairer to Ike who was, after all, pretty knowledgeable about his profession. In fact, he's looking better and better all the time...)


#2

At a plastic surgeons' convention three doctors are aguing about who is the best.

Dr. Jones says "I am clearly the greatest. Why just a few years ago I had a patient who lost all of his limbs. I build him new ones made from cadavers, and now he is an Olympic decathlon champion."

Dr. Smith says "Not bad, but several years back a woman came to me who was completely disfigured in a terrible blaze. I built her a new body and now she's Miss America."

Dr. Brown says "Impressive, but nothing like my accomplishment. 5 years ago I found just a sphincter lying in the street. I built a whole new man around it and now he is the Republican minority leader of the Senate."

(With all due respect -- which isn't much -- to Mitch McConnell, this could be told about anyone you don't like. Also, of course, you needn't use the sphincter euphemism, but this is a family blog.)